


The things he could never say

by Didyamissme



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Johnlock - Freeform, Multi, Suicide, past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 15:04:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6056055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Didyamissme/pseuds/Didyamissme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After reichenbach- this is as if Sherlock actually committed suicide. MAJOR trigger warnings. Sadness sadness sadness</p>
            </blockquote>





	The things he could never say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Juliemagg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juliemagg/gifts).



> Read the summary!  
> Also, I can't believe I actually waited almost a year. I know, I'm sorry, but I have been very busy. Comment and request, dearies!  
> P.S I apologize for the shortness!

Mycroft Holmes had developed an odd habit over the past few years. It had been nearly 5 years since his little brother took his own life, and ever since, Mycroft had been reading the newspapers to look for any sign his brother had faked his death. It wouldn't be unlike him... This morning, his brother's name was in the paper.

"HOMOSEXUAL HOLMES?" "UNREQUITED LOVE CAUSES SUICIDE FOR FAMOUS DETECTIVE!" "'JOHNLOCK' WAS REAL!" Mycroft dropped his tea, fingers trembling as he read the article.

"Nearly 5 years after the death of Sherlock Holmes, interesting evidence was located inside his flat- evidence to the mystery that was the late Sherlock Holmes. On a tour of the great detective's flat, one of our reporters discovered what appears to be a love letter to former flat mate John Watson. The letter reads:"

"John. Such a short name you have, yet... Such a complicated person. You, I have discovered, are... Very complicated. I have come to the conclusion that you are this way due to the fact that you have suppressed your homosexuality for at least a decade. I suppose this is understandable. But what I do not understand is why you hide from me. I understand I also appear emotionless, but if I am being completely honest I know that I am not. When I look at you I do not see you, John. I see some... Being. A being of utter beauty and intelligence, and one of kindness. But, I suppose that being is you. And when I see you I also see everything. I see the way you catch your breath whenever the postman so much as smiles at you. I see you look away from attractive women. I see you look at me, John, like you looked at Mary once. And I don't only see. I want. I want to hold you, and in a possibly non-platonic way. I don't want to be alone, and I want to feel your body heat radiating from you. I want to sit at the table and drink tea with you, and I want to smile as you get crumbs from Mrs. Hudson's biscuits all over the table. Most of all, I want you to be happy. I know you can't have that with me. I know you can't. You can't be seen as gay for one reason or another, and I respect that. I respect you, John Watson. I don't want you to get hurt because of me, or for you to be unhappy. I could never do that to you. But I can do one thing. I can love you, John Watson. I can hold your hand subtlety in shops. I can comfort you during your nightmares. I can go out and buy the milk you like. I can stop setting fire to our possessions. I can be with you, John. If you would let me in. But if you can't ... If I'm too much of a nuisance... Too much a danger... I understand. And I can protect you from the danger. By getting rid of it. I'm doing this for you John.  
Because I like how you always reply to my texts. Because I want to run my fingers through your hair. Because I need you to be happy, always.  
Because you make me smile for no reason.  
Because you're my best friend.  
Because you deserve better.  
Because Mary needs you.  
Because I love you.  
Goodbye, my dear friend.  
All of my love,  
Sherlock."

The letter ends there. And whilst all of us are still deeply saddened at the loss of a great detective, we regret to inform you that John Watson is happily married to Mary Morstan. We reached out to the Watsons but are still awaiting comment. It is speculated that Sherlock's unrequited love may be a leading factor in his suicide. Our next top story is an interview with Richard Brooke, a children's book writer and celebrity."

John Watson looks down at his paper. Mary looks down at her hands. "John..." She says heavily. John gets up. He doesn't speak, and she doesn't follow. And John begins to run. He runs and he runs and he runs and he doesn't stop running until he's ran to Sherlock's grave. "Sher... Lock." He whispered, tracing the lettering on the grave. Hot tears ran down his face. It was too much, so much. How. Why. Why now? The words of Sherlock's letter ran through his mind. A few in particular. "I don't want to be alone.... I want you to be happy... All of my love..." Sherlock didn't want to be alone, but he wanted John to be happy and protected in the only way he knew how. By eliminating all the danger. But Sherlock didn't want to be alone. 

John pulled out his gun.

Sherlock didn't want to be alone, right?

John loaded the bullet.

He wanted John to be happy, right? 

One bullet could solve both problems. 

John closed his eyes

Smiled

And pulled the trigger.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, what did you think?  
> Comment please, and I will write more. Without waiting a year ;)


End file.
